Is it time to teach pupils manners?
- Published: 04 December 2008
Source : Irish Independent
During transition year at Colaiste Bride the girls learn how to hold a knife and fork. They are also taught about proper deportment -- how to sit and stand correctly, and how to shake hands and make good eye contact.
There are two classes in etiquette every week in fourth year at the Enniscorthy school.
At the end of the year the girls go out for a slap-up dinner at Kelly's Hotel in Rosslare, where they are given an opportunity to put their good manners into practice.
"Manners should be taught in the home,'' says teacher Maria Whitty-Sexton. "But they should also be reinforced in school.''
Etiquette may be considered by some detractors as a fusty Victorian pre-occupation that went out of fashion at the same time as elegant handwriting and proper punctuation.
But it is back on the table in education.
Many parents, teachers and other "elders and betters'' now find themselves in agreement with Ferdinand von Prondzynski, president of Dublin City University.
At a recent DCU graduation ceremony he complained of "a deficit of courtesy and good behaviour in society today''.
He called for a return to the days when good manners were appreciated and encouraged.
"It has become common to see groups of people -- often young men -- gathering in groups and terrorising local communities," he said.
"We see people driving cars who, while they are polite and considerate in their normal lives, become maniacs behind the wheel, showing aggression and recklessness. And we see people's behaviour with mobile phones in public places, clearly unconcerned about the disturbance or irritation caused to others.
"Manners are an important element in the idea of a community -- concern for and solidarity with others, and showing mutual respect. But we now treat the concept of manners as outdated, and maybe even vaguely embarrassing. Real manners are about respect and empathy, and support for community building,'' he added.
Professor Prondzynski suggested that there should be a social framework which supports manners and etiquette.
"We can't complain about young hooligans if we are doing nothing to create social spaces for them," he said.
"We no longer systematically provide youth clubs and other places where they can mix without this becoming threatening. We cannot just blame offenders if we are failing to provide the necessary supports.''
So who should actually be responsible for teaching manners? Those who oppose etiquette education might argue that teaching table manners and general consideration for other people is the responsibility of parents. Michael Moriarty, general secretary of the Irish Vocational Education Association, disagrees.
"I believe that you have to teach manners in school, and in particular primary school, because there is a generation of parents who do not know about manners themselves.
"It is extraordinary to see how many people nowadays do not stand back to let a lady through a door. So many people now have poor table manners.''
Moriarty says etiquette should be taught as part of the curriculum at primary and second level.
"We should have norms of behaviour, where children are taught respect.''
"I believe we threw the baby out with the bath water in the '60s, when we grew our hair and increased the size of our flares,'' says Moriarty.
"It was all about the rights of individuals and doing what you want, regardless of the effects on other people.
"It is time to restore some balance.''
At Colaiste Bride, the etiquette classes encompass a wide variety of subjects including personal grooming, hygiene and letter writing.
"Formal letter writing is a skill that has largely been lost,'' says teacher Maria Whitty-Sexton. "I teach the girls how to write a letter of condolence, thank-you letters and letters of complaint.
"They write in fountain pen and actually post the letters to each other using stamps.''
Whitty-Sexton includes new technology in her etiquette programme.
"The girls are taught that it is good manners to turn your mobile phone off when you are having a meal," she said. "They should also have a discreet ring tone, rather than something that will offend people.''
Of course, elders and betters have always complained about deteriorating standards of behaviour. According to some accounts, the citizens of ancient Egypt complained about the poor behaviour of uncouth youth.
George Bernard Shaw's wife Charlotte was so appalled at our standards of etiquette that she left $263,200 in her will for a campaign "to polish the manners of the Irish''.
- Kim Bielenberg
